30 Comments:

• The light only scares the ghost off to the closet, until they create a closet light version.

  By  leonardo, at 1/21/2006 04:08:00 AM  

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• is that true? really?...

  By  Anonymous, at 1/21/2006 07:10:00 AM  

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• This seems bad. Why should parents indulge their children's irrational fears to this level?

  By  Anonymous, at 1/21/2006 10:44:00 AM  

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• To heck with stupidly indulging their fears.... I think the light would be cool, as a nite light!
  It's similar to the lights under cars, only cooler, cus the ones under cars are foolish and showy and probably a lot pricier.

  By  Anonymous, at 1/22/2006 05:23:00 PM  

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• My wife who is old enough to know better can't wait to try it out

  By  Anonymous, at 1/23/2006 05:43:00 AM  

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• Now where are myt car hydraulics, and subwoofers?

  By  Anonymous, at 1/23/2006 05:09:00 PM  

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• Boy, that'd be an improvement, having the bed levitating on a ghostly blue glow...Nothin' creepy about that, nosiree.

  By  Uncle Pavian, at 1/23/2006 05:21:00 PM  

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• Actually, blue light is very effective at resetting your circadian rhythm, which means that exposing yourself to blue light at night will make your body think it's daytime. All this device will do is screw up your kid's daily body clock. A red light would have been a lot better, not to mention cheaper to make.

  By  Anonymous, at 1/23/2006 05:43:00 PM  

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• Clearly, the author of the comment above is unfamiliar with the fact that monsters are attracted to red light.

  By  Anonymous, at 1/23/2006 07:12:00 PM  

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• I like the way it makes the entire bed look like the mothership about to lift off!

  By  Anonymous, at 1/24/2006 06:57:00 AM  

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• It strikes me that a turntable, a ring of cardboard cut into monster sillohuettes, and some way to suspend this light above it would provide for hours of entertainment for the sadistic out there...

  By  Nullness, at 1/24/2006 10:16:00 AM  

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• I can think of a lot of adults that might groove on this , too !!

  By  Anonymous, at 1/24/2006 06:40:00 PM  

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• this won't work. how will it shine through all the clutter under every kids bed?

  By  Anonymous, at 1/24/2006 06:48:00 PM  

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• WHA?!?!?
  
  it doesn't change colors??
  
  that's a shame, it'd make a great PIMP LIGHT!
  
  Like hey baby, come on in and make urself comfortable, let me just set the mood here *changes color to red*

  By  Anonymous, at 1/24/2006 10:53:00 PM  

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• Hmmm... my son has a divan. His bed would look like a fridge with that light coming on when he pulls the drawer open.

  By  'Honk if you agree', at 1/25/2006 05:59:00 AM  

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• I can see it now... large, menacing shadows of dust bunnies parading around the walls of this poor kid's room...

  By  Anonymous, at 1/25/2006 08:23:00 AM  

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• The only monster attracted to red light is my trouser snake....

  By  Anonymous, at 1/27/2006 08:05:00 AM  

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• It definately should have an option of going to red.
  
  It was originally sold as guide to people who knock their feet on the bed rail when they return from their trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night

  By  Anonymous, at 1/27/2006 02:04:00 PM  

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• whatever happened to monster proof sheets? or maybe we should start calling beds flannel panic rooms

  By  Anonymous, at 1/27/2006 02:13:00 PM  

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• Pimp my bed, baby! Do they make the low rider version?

  By  Anonymous, at 1/29/2006 02:44:00 PM  

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• This post inspired me to write the following short story--comments can be sent to joel AT joelhaasstudio.com
  
  My Monster Grows Up
  
  by Joel Haas
  
  
  
  I got home late from the movie.
  
  Sadaam Hussein, covered with smallpox, was sitting on an atomic bomb in my living room.
  
  Scared the daylights out of me because I thought he was a burglar—you read so much about crack dealers, high on meth, committing home invasions. Then I relaxed. Hey, I don’t live in Durham .
  
  “Please,” Sadaam croaked, “Would you let me sleep under your bed? I’ll lose the smallpox and the A-Bomb.”
  
  “I thought you were in prison in Iraq !”
  
  “No,” Sadaam explained, “That’s Sadaam Hussein, I’m just your irrational fears.”
  
  “My irrational fears?!” I was skeptical.
  
  “Don’t you remember me?” Sadaam morphed into a smooth blob of green jelly moving around the carpet.
  
  “The Abominable H Man?” I nearly screamed.
  
  “The Monster Under the Bed!” the green jelly coalesced into a spider with three alligator heads. “We grew up together!”
  
  “I thought I outgrew you!” I said as the monster morphed into George Bush and then into Osama Bin Laden.
  
  “Never!” the monster sounded hurt and flickered between Barry Manilow and Dick Cheney. “People think they’re born with a guardian angel. They’re all born with an Irrational Fear. Of course, we start as immature as children.”
  
  “You mean…,”
  
  “Yep,” the monster nodded, “I was just a five year old monster under your bed trying to figure out how many heads an alligator has. Never could get the legs to match, though.”
  
  “Why are you here?” I demanded. “What’s all this about wanting to sleep under my bed?”
  
  “Well,” the monster slumped into an easy chair, “It’s hard enough being a grown up and having to embody grown up fears, but the advent of CNN and Fox News and all this internet stuff….. For crying out loud, it’s paranoiac fears, alarms and panics 24/7 now. It’s exhausting just trying to keep up.”
  
  “Remember? It was all so simple. All I had to be was a giant spider or a dinosaur or a bucket of snakes with alligator heads and stay under your bed. If I were out of ideas, I could always be something you’d seen on Saturday morning horror flicks—The Crawling Eye or the Abominable H Man…”
  
  He sighed, flickering pink, then green, and then pink again—“”it’s not easy being green…” he muttered.
  
  Then, he went on, “It’s just too damn complicated now. How can I be bird flu, anthrax, the budget deficit, nuclear war, health insurance, where are your kids, is your spouse cheating on you, and what was that mysterious lump you felt in the shower????”
  
  He started to blubber. “I tell you, it all just scares the dickens out of me and I just can’t keep up with being all the monsters I’m supposed to be now that you’re grown up…”
  
  I hate to see a grown monster cry. “There, there,“ I tried to sound hopeful, helpful.
  
  “So.” The monster stopped crying and looked up. “Could I please hide under your bed??
  
  “How long?” I demanded.
  
  “Well, I’d love to stay forever, but really, just for a week or two, just to get relaxed and rested, and calmed down. Please!”
  
  “Okay,” I sighed.
  
  “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” my Irrational Fears almost slobbered on the carpet in gratitude. “And as long as I’m under there, what the heck, you’ll not have to worry about a thing, not even whether you’re drinking decaf or not! I promise. “
  
  “Great,” I nodded. “This way towards the bedroom.”
  
  I pulled up the bed ruffle so it could slide under. “One other thing,” the monster looked up at me, hopeful.”
  
  “What?” I asked.
  
  “Could you leave a little night light on under here?”
  
  
  
  
  
  (Author's note: this micro story was inspired by seeing an ad for a $25 circular shaped plastic light, powered by ultra modern LED's emitting a blue light. Advertised as the perfect thing to buy to put under a kid's bed and to keep the monsters away. The manufacturer guarantees the lights "will burn until the child outgrows fear of monsters.")

  By  Joel Haas, at 1/31/2006 07:14:00 PM  

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• That short story seriously sucked.
  
  Now, as for:
  "A red light would have been a lot better, not to mention cheaper to make."
  
  The poster was being too logical and forgot all the christian nuts who would proclaim is satanic and demonic.

  By  Anonymous, at 4/01/2006 12:11:00 AM  

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• What are you talking about? That story rocked!

  By  Anonymous, at 1/27/2007 07:08:00 AM  

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• make it go red instead? the kid would probably be scared to death thinking the entrance to hell is under his bed! besides, doesn't a low light make everything look bigger in shadows? I know i'd be scared .. especially if it was red.

  By  Anonymous, at 5/06/2007 02:00:00 PM  

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• OMG that story is the bomb! I love that light I WANT ONE!!!
  
  Dear author of the story, please visit, 'Writers window." and you can post that story and others similar and get them commented.
  
  Anywhoz I love that light and i like the blue but i prefer pink...and my friends like purple!! it remind me of a car neon! lol

  By  Anonymous, at 6/12/2007 12:55:00 AM  

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• but how else will we keep our kids from getting out of bed if not for the monster!??!

  By  J. Justin, at 6/27/2007 09:24:00 AM  

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• A constant errie glow under the bed is supposed to help the kid sleep better? It looks like a portal to blue hell.
  Parents should do like my dad and let their kids sleep with a loaded gun.

  By  Anonymous, at 8/21/2007 09:56:00 AM  

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• i think that this could be a break through in childeren defense technology! If the children can strike the monsters at the right time they could be able to eliminate the threat completly and that would be a win for us all!
  My name is genral Halubealot and would like all children with special abilites with this technology to report to me imediatley!

  By  Anonymous, at 10/19/2007 04:23:00 AM  

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• All of you idiots have way too much time on your hands....not to mention to you all that the practice of cracking idiotic, useless comments went out of style like at least a decade ago...all you internet looserssss should try to get a life beyond your computer screen for a change.

  By  Anonymous, at 2/20/2008 08:01:00 PM  

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• check out litstyle.com which is much cooler and high end.

  By  Anonymous, at 4/09/2008 05:44:00 PM  

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